April 29th, 2010 by matt
WASHINGTON D.C.— First lady Michelle Obama announced yesterday that she is launching a campaign to fight childhood obesity. “I want to start small,” said Obama, “spending time with each kid and whipping them into shape.” Secretary of Health and Human Services Director Kathleen Sebelius applauded Obama for hitting the issues head-on. “She sees one of [...]
February 22nd, 2010 by matt
Dr. Guy Hofstrom examined a 13-year-old girl on Thursday who displayed remarkable bouts of violent yelling, disruptions in happiness, and fluctuations in her temper. Hofstrom dismissed the issue at first, but upon further review of the prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain responsible for moderating appropriate social interactions, realized he had discovered “High-Maintenance-Syndrome.” The [...]
January 28th, 2010 by matt
Peyton Manning released a statement on Wednesday saying that first string head coach Jim Caldwell will be benched for the Super Bowl