The Mizzou Flipside

WASHINGTON D.C.— First lady Michelle Obama announced yesterday that she is launching a campaign to fight childhood obesity. “I want to start small,” said Obama, “spending time with each kid and whipping them into shape.” Secretary of Health and Human Services Director Kathleen Sebelius applauded Obama for hitting the issues head-on. “She sees one of ‘those’ kids and knows the best way to tackle them,” said Sebulius. To conclude the press conference Obama pulled out an eight foot, leather braided Bullwhip. She smiled, cracked the whip, and said, “I’m looking forward to working with these little shits.”