Man Eats Dinner In Today’s Economy
March 8th, 2010 | Published in Articles, Matt Schur, Politics
OMAHA, NEB.- The current recession – the largest in several decades – has been crippling the nation for over a year but, in a tremendous act of bravery, Omaha native Mike Smith ate dinner last Tuesday night.
“It’s been on my mind for awhile now,” said the newly anointed national hero. “I’ve been hungry for a long, long time, but I kept telling myself, ‘it’s always darkest just before dawn.’”
His moral predicament, the breaking point of his 37-year life, was catalyzed by the realization of one unexpected detail- the forgotten twelfth tank of gas he had left in his car, which hadn’t been driven since the onslaught of the recession.
“I sat there for awhile thinking about who I was, and I heard something, it was like the voice of God,” he said of his growling stomach. “I knew I was chosen for a reason.” With mounting fervor, Smith was able to turn his car on, and put it in drive.
Once he arrived at the grocery store, Smith was unrelenting; grabbing things like chicken, pasta, and sauce and putting them into his shopping cart. An employee observed Smith muttering that “this is what separates the men from the boys” while clutching a loaf of garlic bread.
Smith returned to his home, defiantly turned on the stove, and cooked the purchased food. As his final act of defiance, Smith took the last scrap of garlic bread and scooped up the remaining sauce in the bowl.
Linda Smith, Mike’s mother, was in joyous disbelief afterwards.
“I don’t know what to say to him,” she said, tearing up. “I just wish his father was alive to see this day. He would have been so proud of his boy.”
“No,” Linda retracted, “his man.”
In his press conference, Smith told reporters, “the simple truth is that I was just tired of running.”
He paused, sighed, and continued: “From this economy.”