The Mizzou Flipside

“Fuck Jesse, I’m done” stated Chris Simpkins Monday, in a text to his roommate. Simpkins, who had been really happy until that point, was first introduced to Jesse Hall in September.

“I was really drunk coming home from the bar one night when all of the sudden, I tripped and fell into something. ” said Simpkins. “When I looked up, I was staring at the most beautiful thing in the world. It was love at first sight.” Despite the overwhelming embarrassment, he had the courage to introduce himself before walking away.

After that point, Simpkins began seeing Jesse all the time, especially every Tuesday and Thursday when he was walking to the Journalism school. Simpkins felt that it was fate.

One big obstacle presented itself as Simpkins felt people were always surrounding Jesse during the day. He figured Jesse must be really popular, and thus out of his league.

“Then one magical October night, I was coming home drunk from the bars, again, and wouldn’t you know it, there’s Jesse! Standing all alone!” Simpkins’ friends, who were somewhat sober, attempted to sway him, but he persisted.

“Best decision I ever made,” the MU sophomore claimed. “The conversation lasted all night, it was just wonderful.”

On that October morning, the dew matriculated on the crisp lawn of the Quad as Simpkins watched the sun rise over the columns, and, for once in his life, he was happy.

When December came, Simpkins felt Jesse becoming colder, and then the unthinkable happened.

“Sometime last fall, right before finals, I saw a girl go into Jesse,” said Simpkins. “I was really pissed at first, but then again, you know, it wasn’t a guy, and you know what? That’s Jesse’s choice to make. I told Jesse I was upset and that was that.” Simpkins claimed he knew what Jesse was like on the inside and had to trust that. But when he came back from break, Simpkins saw what led to his eventual heartbreak.

“Last Tuesday,” Simpkins shook his head, clenched his fists, and continued “I saw the Chancellor go into Jesse. Like what the fuck?” Simpkins said. Before I could ask another question, Simpkins continued, “And then, and then, on Wednesday too! It’s quite obvious Jesse was seeing someone new. I guess I just have to move on and I hope that he treats Jesse like an angel, like I did,” Simpkins could not contain his tears any longer and stormed out of the interview.

Simpkins’ parents were optimistic, saying that Chris is now talking to that “pretty McReynolds one.”